“I work with a lot of guys who confirm they were not taught by thier caregivers how to handle their emotions in relationships.”
During the assessment the majority of my guys respond “nobody” when I asked “Who taught you how to handle conflict in your relationships?”
A lot fail guys struggle to perceive, understand, regulate or express emotions in themself or their partner - when she calls it quits - they feel blindsided.
I have successful helped dozens of men identify the cause and stop their dance of disconection - they learn how to speak a new language of connection 101 - a language of safe and secure connections.
the babystepssaq mental coaching model
“I see all disconnection as a performance anxiety issue…...not a communication problem….it’s an overwhelmed nervous system because their partner is so important.”
Feeling stuck, frustrated, confused,,,,THE SAME PLAY, CYCLE, LOOP, PATTERN, DANCE…..she walks off the dance floor.
When every conversation turns into intense fellowship.
You’ve tried to keep the peace,….
without any repair - somehow the same conflicts keep coming back up.
The blow-ups, the silence, the guilt afterward…
it’s a cycle you can’t seem to break.
And deep down in your body, you worry about what it’s costing your relationships.
Next thing you know you have been “blindsided”
She has gone silent or wants to end the relationship -
You go blank, the moment feels too big, you feel like an athlete at crunch time……you drop the emotional ball.
During crunch time you feel emotionally overwhelmed….your heart beat speeds up….your throat tightens…..your hands shake…your palms begin to shake…
Everything she says feels like criticisms and demands.
You don’t have the words to respond.
If you respond you may make it worse…..
So you decide the best option is to pull away, shut down, radio silence.
The distance increase.
“No One taught me how to handle conflict in relationships?”
understand what your family taught you about men and relationships.
potentially uncover unresolved issues and learn new strategies to stop them instead of passing them on.
Relationship Consulting for men ready to change their game
Emotional awareness is a skill you can train.
The babystepssaq coaching model combines simple brain science, strategies for managing performance anxiety and teaching attachment logic so my guys constructs a pre-game plan…… to notice what’s happening inside, pause, regulate his emotions and make the right move for connection during intense fellowship.
“I see all disconnections in relationships from a performance anxiety lens.”
@yocoachboom…..
your relationship consultant
I know what it’s like to feel emotionally overwhelmed in a relationship and nothing is working.
To say hurtful things I can’t take back…. walk away from the moment of intense fellowship and then…. after I calm down I realize I just made things worse.
To want to connect but not have the words to ask for what I need, so I stay quiet instead…..resentment builds.
In times such as these the brain is hypervigilant….that feeling in the body is present, some call it anxiety others a cloud. It builds causing everyone to walk on eggshells…..radio silence…. a signal that felt like time was running out to get it right.
This is just one example of the dance of disconnection.
The babystepssaq mental coaching model has helped dozen of guys identify and stop this unconscious disruptive cycle.
Coaching Not Therapy
Rather it’s intense fellowship, an athlete crashing out at crunch time or stage fright, - it’s all about managing performance anxiety system.
This is not theory or instagram toxic relationship positivity.
It’s start with learning simple brain science and how you are wired to respond to a threat.
The impact of your caregivers.
This model covers attachment logic. More science to help you understand the reason behind your dance.
We are all built for connection
Alot men’s programs that leave you frustrated, confused, broken and feeling like a failure. Their strategies didn’t work for you at crunch time. Why? Was there a science based moel or just offering opinions that work for them.
This model was constructed using science. The focus is coaching the why before the how. You quickly understand you are not broken
You’ll learn about the science of a bottom up approach - these strategies is part of your pre-game plan…..when intense fellowship starts, you go inside, notic, pause and respond with intention.
30+ Years on the Field of Human Behavior
I have decades of experience helping people across many cultures understand their behavior, emotions, and relationships.
Prior to leaving private practice I worked as a social worker, marriage and family therapist and sports psychotherapist.
The babyystepssaq mental coaching model includes an intergrate coaching program where I pulled effective strategies to specialize in how performance anxiety impacts relationships.
What’s more important than titles is that I have use my model to helped dozens of men identify and stop their dance of disconnection during intense fellowship. My guys learned through a performance anxiety lens how to stop pushing their partners away. They increased the peace in the relationship and built a safe and secure connection.
You are not broken
You are not broken -
You have everything you need
There are many reasons men choose to suffer in silence.
One of them is fear, driven by “stinking thinking.” Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true. However, your brain does not know if your stories are true or not.
You are not broken, you have everything you need to connect with me as a coach. You can change how you show in your relationships.
All behavior has a purpose….with enough information it will make sense - this is a journey about “microwins” - small, successful steps, consistently to help you understand how you are wired for connection - the result, understanding you and how you respond to connection.
wired for connection
understanding how you are wired for connection changes your lens about relationships.
When your brain no longer detects a threat in your relationship….. you show up and respond differetly - with everybody and everywhere it matters most.
the babystepssaq mental coaching model helps you understand the impact of simple brain science so you can begin to layer on strategies to stop scrambling when you become emotionally overwhelmed from the pressure tied to the dance of disconnection-
You learn to speak the new language of connection 101 and…….
Begin to ask for what you need in a way your partner can hear you.
You can stop the crash-out and so no one walks off the dance floor.
Your partner feels more connected, becaue you have become a safe and secure connection to here nervous system.
No longer walking on egg shells.
No longer do you feel anxious when you pull into the driveway because you’ve got a playbook, a gameplan to tap into effective communication.
You step into your role as a leader….. a steady, confident partner, father, and leader in the community if you so choose.
You are not broken
You are not broken - you have everything you need!
Listen:
Doubt comes fast when you’ve tried to push through without any support or any tools - you need a pre-game strategy -
Maybe you’ve thought things like:
“I should be able to handle this on my own.”
“Coaching, therapy and counseling have let me down before.”
“Admitting I need help feels weak.”
“This is just who I am.”
“What if my family has a history relationship problems and broken homes?”
“I don’t want to let my family down again.”
Here’s the truth: “most men come see me too late, often times, I was the last contact before the attorney……It doesn’t have to be that way.”
The first step in the journey is awareness.
“you don’t need any more advice, you just need to understand what is happening in your brain and nervous system when you feel unsafe during intense fellowship.”
Build the skills to handle pressure differently at crunch time.
The days of fearing intense fellowship will be gone.
……. walk away with a pre-game relationship performance anxiety plan
staying emotionally steady, speaking a new language, keeping the thinking brain online, and learning to repair quicker.
The result is building secure bonds, safe and secure connections.
It’s not about being perfect every time.
It’s about growing through “microwins” - small wins, consistently.
It’s about replacing old unconscious behaviors with new ones.
Learn the four steps of empathy
Become skilled at recognizing your emotions and the emotions of other.
Learn how to ask for what you need in a way others can hear you.
Experience a calm nervous system
Having real tools in the toolbox to lean on
No longer being blind sided or walking on eggshells
Stronger connections with the people who matter most
Less second-guessing, more clarity in how you show up
A steady sense that you’re leading, not just reacting